So the haul at San Diego was expected to be long but it has been abruptly cut short thanks to the company's ridiculously crazy structure and expectations and my sudden absence of comprehension of anything and everything related to this company and lack of motivation to even try beyond a point. All five months I have felt I have been running against a wall, trying to move it and get to the other side while the people who are supposed to help me just sit, watch and judge, not telling me anything - conceited bastards. After working 60 hours every week for three weeks they come up with things like the document does not have enough details and when I ask what more would you like to see, they say things like go in the system learn and figure out and by the time I do so my manager tells me I am taking a long time. And maybe I did, I don't know. I just feel low, I feel I failed and I don't like it. I have mentioned I hate not getting things and they are not giving me the chance. Sighhh!! Oh and the funny part is the feedback never came directly, it always came from my manager. And then I call and setup meetings and they just don't show up, no phone call, no email nothing. I am just speechless. The QA lead on my project had said long before I started experiencing all this that the technical managers are very stingy with information and act extremely self- entitled and so new people have a horrific time working with them so good luck. Now I know what he meant. I have never felt this lost at my work place, never, not even when I was teaching Shakespeare to my seventh graders or I was using a fax machine for the first time or when I was a cashier at burger king throughout my first Ramadan in the US. Sighhh My manager said I am a great person and no doubt a great analyst but somehow my skill set and the way the company works just don't match, and she wished she could keep me, and that its mostly them and not me. Oh my God, that's like my first break up all over again. Its not you, its me shit. Right!!! I just realised this is the first time I am leaving a project midway or rather being asked to leave midway...I hate it hate it hate it hate ittttt. UGHHHHHH
I am a contractor/temp/consultant/contingent labor so it is expected that I will not be staying at a company forever and sooner or later the project ends and so does my time at the company, but I will never get used to hearing "I have some not so good news, we will not be renewing your contract." I didn't like it when it happened after 6 months, didn't like it when it happened after 15 months and sure as hell didn't like it this time. Pooja thinks they do like me which is why they gave me a month's notice so I can look for a new project, otherwise contractors get just a day's notice. Been there!!
So in a month's time I will be off to another adventure...wherever life takes me next, I will be ready, reluctant but ready....as always.
Time for another SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Oh for the ever panicking readers of my blog (as if I have tons LOL), the ones who have no idea what I do for a living, I still have a job, just no project and eventually no income till I find another project, so worry not :)
