Majority of the Americans especially the politically correct, socially conscientious Caucasian ones, apologize a lot. They also thank a lot. When I mean a lot, i mean A LOT. American people love to be liked. They like to think of themselves as good people and they want others to acknowledge that as well. They are also death-afraid of litigation and so they try real hard to be at their best behavior around people of color and also to make all possible efforts to ensure they don't come across as racist, prejudiced, ignorant, rude and most of all intrusive. One thing American people really respect is the right to ones privacy, freedom and space. Now I am not saying that people just do this to avoid possible lawsuits. Not at all. In fact, I happen to think that Americans are probably, by far, one of the nicest people in the world. I have seen people from other parts of the world here and I can safely say, give me an American manager over a Desi one, any day.
Anyway, the point is that being a Single-Pakistani-Muslim woman, I get apologized to pretty frequently...well, for being single and Pakistani and Muslim and a woman. My life is the very paradigm of suppression, deprivation, suffering and struggle. How I must have fought to break free from the restrictions and constraints of a pre-historic times, barbaric society that does not allow women to show off their bodies...heaven forbid!! Did I have to sneak around to get educated? Did my parents try to marry me off to a sheikh at the age of 14? Did I wear a burqa all my life? Did my family disown me for being single and migrating to the US and living alone? How liberating it must be for me to wear Capri pants? The answers to all these questions lead to a lot of apologies and a lot of "Oh really!! I had no idea." and "that's amazing, your father sounds like a very modern man." Are you patronizing me??? More apologies.
One thing I get apologized, at least once a day, for is being mistaken for an Indian. Of course not a Native-Indian, but a Pakistani's arch-rival, blood enemy East-Indian ("How Dare YOU???"). They get so embarrassed and are so emphatic in their I am sorries, that I almost (ALMOST) wish that I was an Indian just so I could spare them this pain and humiliation. I mean people relax!! This is probably the most honest mistake anyone can ever make. And what do you think I will do anyway? Grab your throat and bang your head against the wall while screaming, "Take it back, you ignorant moron, take it back...apologizeeeeeeeee!!" Seriously!! Of course this is not limited to the American people and applies to every living human being from any part of the world, who knows anything about the now pre-historic Indo-Pak conflict.
What is most annoying is when an Indian him/herself mistakes me for an Indian (nothing wrong with that) and once my true identity is disclosed, the conversation almost always follows into an awkward pause, which is almost always broken by the Indian person saying, "Oh thats OK, its the same thing. There isn't any difference right? After all we were one country once."
OK, just wait right there. I have so many Indian friends that I cant even remember when was the last time I met a Pakistani person, let alone befriended one. And since I happen to truly like and genuinely respect my fellow South Asians, I will impart this very very useful piece of information to you. First of all, when someone tells you where he/she is from, he/she is not apologizing to you for being from that part of the world, and is not asking for you to be "OK" with their places of origin. Secondly, if you are truly a non-political, I-only-care about-the-person-and-not-the-politics kind of person, try not to make any reference to the checkered history of our two countries. No matter how bad the condition of our country may be, we are still associated with 'our country' and we really don't want to be reminded that 'our country' was in fact part of 'your country' some 60 odd years ago. To us "its not the same thing" and "there is a difference" and if we are nodding our heads, we are just trying to be non-confrontational and nice. You are just putting us on the defensive. Most likely if somebody told you they were from Uganda, you would probably say, "Oh wow, that sounds interesting, tell me more about the place." Well, try this on the next person who tells you he/she is from Pakistan. Trust me, its so much better and most probably the Pakistani person would say, "Oh, you know its very much like India, culturally." After all, its time we learn a few things from our politically correct, socially conscientious Caucasian friends :-).
Oh on a side note, we don't think it will be better if the two countries got back together. Trust me, that is a recipe for disaster. When a couple gets divorced citing irreconcilable differences, they almost never get back together to have a second go at it, at least not successfully. They have been known to however, after seeking a certain level of maturity of course, learn to co-exist as friends who have gone through and shared a whole history together.
Coming back to our ever apologizing, ever thanking, forever believing what-the-media-tells-them hosts, its admirable that you guys are the way you are. There is a certain class about people who can show regret and gratitude when required. But let me clarify a few things that you may have picked from watching CNN or even worse the dreaded FOX News. People around the world are not all as intolerant, narrow-minded and America hating as the media has you believing. No matter where the American people will go, especially the former British colonies, I can guarantee that most people will treat you with a lot of love and respect. People may not like the American policies or the arrogance that some of the former governments have behaved with, but they don't hate the American culture or people. Secondly, not all Muslim countries are mullah-loving, Osama-loving, shiaite/america hating, wahabi-fundamentalists. There are regular sufi-loving, tomb-visiting, qawali-singing nations, there are skirt wearing, wine drinking, belly dancing states, and there are a combination of all three, confused, distressed by the fundamentalist, exhausted by fighting other people's wars and politically and economically unstable countries, needless to say like Pakistan.
At the end of the day, knowledge is key, otherwise we are all victims of ignorance. But in the absence of sense, I guess I am OK with the apologies. After all, we have to start somewhere.
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