Suspicious

Sometimes when everything around you has started to unravel and you find your situation slowly inching southwards, somehow you manage to keep up the buoyancy of your mood. Such a situation can take you by surprise, perhaps because, based on experience you were expecting yourself to become frazzled at the first sign of trouble or at least have a few sleepless nights. But Nada. Is this denial or delusion or is it just that reality is having a hard time hitting you in the face, because you have created so many layers of distractions, duties and tasks to help you dodge this ultimate assault? Should this time be considered a blessing and should be used to enjoy the freedom of the stress-free zone or should this be considered the quiet before the storm and must be used to safeguard oneself against the storm or better yet prevent the storm?

Staying true to my element as a mental retard, I have started analysing my apparent nonchalance towards the impending unemployment. No stress about the move, no tension due to the lack of interview calls, no breakdowns about the unstable and inconstant nature of my life. Hmmm, somethings not right. This is me we are talking about. The die-hard, uncompromising drama queen.I know, I know, I should be glad that nothing is getting to me, but you see that's just what is wrong with my brain. It is so used to being worried that now it is worrying about my lack of worrying. Am I finally loosing it? Don't answer that one.

Anyway, having packed and moved to a friend's home for the remaining sentence of my Seattle exile, I am just about ready for my next big adventure. I have no idea what it is, where it is or when is it, but I do know that it needs to be in a non-snowy part of the country. It also cant be in the part of the country which is too far away from California neither can it be in a state that is predominantly a desert and has harsh, hell-like summers. Also, I am done with the rainy Northwest region. So lets see here, no snow, no desert, no rain, not too far away from my people, hmmm. I guess that just leaves me California itself. Huh, who would have thought ;).

Yes yes I know beggars cant be choosers, so I will go where the bread is to be gotten. Nonetheless, I hope the dream of working and living in my beloved city of San Francisco would finally come true. We will see.

In the menatime I am trying not panic about my lack of panic. Perhaps I have become used to the craziness of life or I have just matured into a more level-headed, sensible person, who understands that life has its share of flights and crashes. Okay the cynic in me just fell off his chair in a fit of uncontrollable laughter. Hey come'on it can happen. Sighhhhh