There is no place like home...now wait a minute..

I don't know how and I don't know when, but I have just suddenly realised. Seattle has made its way into my heart and has officially become my home. It has given me the right energy to be happy and content, to learn to take care of myself, to make new friends, to bring Nick (my wonderful trainer) in my life and to hike half way up the Glorious Mt. Rainier. From the moment I landed here, I have loved its snow capped mountains, its beautiful lakes, its wonderfully green landscapes and its perfect Summer days. I have enjoyed the snow, I have enjoyed my Sunday strolls in the Pike Place Market, I have even enjoyed the rain and most of all I have enjoyed making new friends. Here, I have restarted playing tennis and met my one true love, my dear car, which proudly displays a Washington license plate. And lately when I fly back from my weekend trips to Cali, I am not sad anymore. I guess I know that I am coming home.

Well...I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER!!. When in the past 33 years of my life I have ever found a place that would become my HOME? How could I, an Army brat by birth and an expatriate and an IT consultant by choice, yet again make the mistake of thinking some place is my home? Silly, Silly, Free Spirited DJS.

Friday, as I was about to walk out of work, my manager called me for an impromptu meeting. Anyone who has ever worked as a contractor would know that that is never a good thing. Uh-oh!! My manager, very likable person gave a speech about how amazing its been to work with me and what a great job i have done in the past year and a half, and how they regret having to let me go. He wished there was some way he could keep me at the company, but since they have an employee available to take over my tasks, they are forced to throw me out in perhaps the worst job market since the late President Roosevelt was in the oval office. Gee Thanks!!

So what if this was not a total surprise given that my own project had already come to a successful end and so what if my manager felt horrible and told me I still had 2 months at my current position and so what if I was originally hired for just 12 weeks. The bottom line remains the same. In two months I have to leave my home, again!! Sighhhhhhhhhhhh.

Since I am still here two more months, this will not be my Bon Voyage or Adieu Seattle post. However, this post will be used to vent and to reiterate what I wrote in a previous post and to remind myself why I have given me the name of the free spirit and why I have made my home in a 5x10 Public Storage unit.

The funny thing is that the announcement of my impending unemployment and removal from Seattle was met with my people finalizing plans to visit the emerald city in the month of August. The very same people I have been asking to come for a visit my entire 14 months stay. Talk about a reality check. Nonetheless, I am happy that the visits will make my time remaining in Seattle a fun-filled and eventful one. I intend to make full use of being employed, being with friends and family, training with Nick Jr. and using the good energy Seattle has given me to find work in my beloved California. I guess this is how it feels to be told you have only 2 months to live ;-) Ahhh not exactly, but it does make my evil side happy to know that I will be enjoying the remaining sunshiny days of Summer here, before leaving the poor Seattlites to fend against another loooong, snow-filled, gloomy winter. Huhuhuhahahhaa!!

I guess Life has brought no real surprises here and has acted just as I have always seen it act. So I will try to get ready to leave my new home and face another adventure in another part of the world. In the meantime I will enjoy being with my people while willing the job-market to pick up....

Hope You find Peace

On a whole other note, I was quite saddened by the tragic death of Michael Jackson. Of course the US media has started its usual crazy non-stop Story Coverage Extravaganza. Every channel is scrutinizing every aspect of MJ's life, death, music and controversies.
I never paid too much attention to what happened in his personal life, since what’s that got to do with his talent and amazing vocal and dance abilities. Also, since I didn’t live in the US until 5 years ago. But, I do know that we cannot expect a man who has never lived a regular life or learned what society considers as normal, to behave normally. His imbalance or eccentric tendencies are not unusual, given that he has always been famous, always been a star and always been treated as a money making machine. In fact, given all this, it surprises me that he was so aware of the dark and real side of the world. And given the greed, pressure and ugliness that surrounded him, he continued to be so passionate about his work.
Only God knows what the truth and reality of his life and death is, but what we all know is that he was one of the most talented entertainers of his time and a part of him will live forever through his music. R.I.P Michael.

I am with Family

After a wonderful 4th of July weekend with my family, it was so hard to get back to my life in Seattle. I realised once again how hard it is to be away from the people I love. Being away from the people in Pakistan is hard enough, now I have to be away from the people in Cali? Especially now that two of my people from Pakistan are in Cali. And even though I have become a space whore (the typical syndrome of living the American way of life) and can generally be highly irritable to any questions or criticism about the way I do things and lead my life and of course loved ones tend to do both (question and criticise), I'd still prefer if they lived in the same town as me. Families are like that I guess. Cant live with them or without them.
Last week I had a mother of all migraines. It was awful and I spent hours trying interhcangebaly to hold down my water and food, to fall asleep and not to cry and yell "make it stop" at the top of my voice. Stop it didn't but I did eventually fall asleep. Usually when this devil takes over your body you do need to go through a full-blown exorcism of sorts to recover from it. For one whole day, I stayed away from sound, light, sun, computer, work, gym, food and most importantly all kinds of smells. I finally recovered long enough to fly to Cali fro the long weekend and enjoy my Friday with M. But lo and behold. Come Saturday morning the devil returns. Of course it didn't help that my three nephews squeal so much. I mean I never realised what a bunch of squealers they are. With each subsequent squeal my brain did a somersault in my skull. Finally my mother came in and offered to give me a head massage. Just like the old times when during my childhood migrainal episodes, Ami used to rub my head and completely exorcised the Devil. I wondered if it will still work. Sure enough, a head rub by Ami and couple of hours long nap, and I woke up headache less ready to enjoy the fireworks. Only mothers can do this :-)
I love 4th of July mainly because its usually the warmest of all the holidays in America and also because I love fireworks. Absolutely, completely and totally loveeeeeeeeeeee fireworks. No surprise that during the display I squealed just as loudly as my little nephews. Before the display they played all the old MJ songs. I danced on Billy Jean with Nephew number 2 on my shoulders. What fun. My oldest Nephew who obviously doesn't take after me on the dancing skills, kept bumping and running into people (mostly me) on purpose. Apparently, that is his dance move. Sighhhh!!!
Sunday was just as fun with a picnic at the beach followed by a Dosa with Papa and M. Yummm.
The highlight of the whole weekend, which made coming back here the hardest was my little angel telling me "Don't go!! This is your home! This is your new home!! Stay here!! This is your Family!!" Being that he isn't the most talkative of kids, this was so amazing and touching. Also amazing is the fact that I didn't start crying and cancel my flight :)

The rare Happy occasion calls for a rare cricket post

I am so out of the loop of every kind, that it was only when Pakistan won the cricket world cup that I found out that the world cup had been in progress. But then I was just confused. World Cup? We won the world cup? Not the world cup? So after a trip to cricinfo.com I found out it was actually the 20/20 world cup. Twenty Twenty? Seriously? What happened to the 50/50 world cup? And when did 20/20 get promoted to international status? Wasn't 20/20 the format we used while playing cricket on the streets? I say we because I was once a star pinch-hitter. Of course I was eventually banned from participation by the neighborhood kids. I repeatedly refused to retrieve the ball that I hit into neighboring houses, while also refusing to Field or bowl. The kids were fed up and formed a committee to ban me from the local cricket scene. Of course I was crushed but since I was 22 at the time and they were mere middle schoolers, I bullied them into lifting the ban. Eventually they disappeared into a neighboring cricket scene and I turned my nervous energies to tennis. But I digress.
I was annoyed by the 20/20 cricket scene right from the beginning. I am one of those crazy people who still love the 5-day test matches. To me it is the true test of a team's caliber. Hence the name TEST. One day cricket is still enjoyable, but what is with the new human obsession of abbreviating everything. I guess people are running out of time and patience. Players like other professionals want to earn as much money as they can, in the shortest time possible. People are evolving and so is everything associated with them. The way they live, see, feel, think, co-habituate, work, eat, function, their tools, their lifestyles, their priorities, everything is on the change. Then why shouldn't the way they entertain themselves undergo some modifications as well? Of course which cricket enthusiast from my part of the world has ever considered the game as a form of entertainment? I was just as cricket crazy as my next compatriot for the longest time possible. In fact, it was the fact that I was so crazy that made me quit following the game so closely. The ups and downs that plague our team were enough to give me a stroke and so I just gave up.
Anyway, the point of this little rant is that good news in our country is so rare and happy occasions are so few and so far apart, especially of late that whether the latest evolution of my beloved game gets my approval or not, I am happy that my people got a reason to rejoice and our terrorist plagued cricket scene got a much needed break.
Of course the way we kicked Sri Lanka's butt is only icing on the cake. Because even though Sri Lanka and Pakistan are not great rivals, it gave me a reason to stick my tongue out at Guruji and go "looser, looser" lol.
Congratulations Pakistan, may you have more reasons to celebrate :-)

You have my number...lol

Funny thing happened at work, embarrassing but funny. I am working on a project that involves implementation of a 3rd party software and since there are three groups involved, one of my tasks is that of project coordination. I regularly setup conference calls for status meetings. The contract negotiations which lasted 4 months had taken a toll on all parties involved and everyone was on the edge after a previous very very unpleasant almost deal breaker kind of a call. Finally couple of weeks back everything got signed and come Monday morning I send off a conference call invite to everyone so we could determine the next steps.
At meeting time, I dialed in and was waiting for people to join. Five minutes pass and only one person joins. We sit wondering whats going on, when my manager gets on the call and he is laughing his head off. He asks me if I did this on purpose? I am clueless as to what "this" was. While he is still laughing, being the cool guy he is. I start getting emails from the 3rd party consultants that it seems the dial-in number may have an error and if I was sure this is the number I intended them to use. To my embarrassment it turns out the dial-in number I send off was for something called "Exciting Talks". I was mortified, but to cover it up I send out an email saying, just thought we all needed some relaxation and now that we have all had our fun lets get down to business. It did break the ice though.
Curiously enough one of the 3rd party consultants never made it for the conference call. Hmm, perhaps someone got too "excited" to talk ;)

Life goes On

Turns out the whole situation with my brother was not so bad as it had seemed. At least according to him. But it did make me realise that I should try and have a relationship with my adorable niece and whatever transpired between Brother dear and the rest of the family has nothing to do with me, at least not directly. If he chooses to live his life a certain way and even though I think it is a horrible way, I can do nothing about it and I should just let things be.But what I can do is not completely give up on him and definitely not give up on being an awesome aunt to his daughter. I am a pretty awesome aunt. Ask my three nephews. Of course one of them has not started to talk yet and the middle one probably loves everyone, while the eldest, well he will never answer a controversial question like this. The point is, it just is too much of a baggage to carry, having a member of your family estranged. Having anyone estranged is too much for me. I cant even deal with someone being mad at me for a single night.
But there is nothing more special than family. I went to the airport last Saturday and stood outside the arrival gate with a pounding heart, expecting the worst. My parents came out looking fresh and rested and not much older than last year. I was relieved. Papa was telling me how much fun it was to travel business class. It seemed like they wouldn't have mind one bit if the pilot had taken an extra trip up to New York and back.
But I am glad, so glad that they are here. It feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Whenever they are here it just makes things better. It feels selfish when i am here and they are there alone. But when they are in the US it makes my being here okay. SO practically speaking i want them here for selfish reasons. The fact that they like being here with us and the kids makes it all the more right.Of course then I came back to Seattle and my parents stayed in the bay with Aapi, but it is still better that they are here with us.
Its graduation day at Seattle's UW and I happen to be in the neighborhood. It is such an exciting day in their young adult lives. The sense of accomplishment is so strong that it shines so brightly on the happy faces, both of the students and their families. But these are troubling times and the class of 2009 will have an early reality check as they look for work in this barely existing job market. Welcome to the real world, and that too so soon. Usually it takes a while to realise that the exciting real world that beckoned us while we trudged along in the hallways of our Alma maters, is more like a boot camp obstacle course, a series of myriad challenges. Of course, you don't have to worry about homework deadlines, mid-terms and finals and thesis and projects. But you will also no longer enjoy 4 months of vacation a year. You will have more money but you will also have more taxes, more responsibilities and more challenges. More to do at work, that is if you can find work. OK I will stop bumming out the class of 2009 now . They will deal with life themselves as they continue to discover its real meaning and their place in this universe as an employee, as a spouse as a parents and as a child of very old parents. Good luck to them.
Right now I am off to watch a movie and enjoy my Sunday evening, before another crazy work week begins.
Guruji has struck a friendship with Papa, I am nervous and happy at the same time. As long as Guruji behaves himself things should be okay. hmm Lets see.

I see RED!!!!!!!!!!

I am so mad. I am so freaking angry that I can bust open someone's head. I am annoyed and really frustrated. But at the core of it all I am sad. No00. I am just sooooo maddddddddddd.
My moronic 37 years old brother is going to have an angiogram. An Angiogram to detect the blockage in his arteries. And the Doctors will then put a stunt in his heart. All this at 37!!!!!! 20 something years of smoking, bad diet and just not working out any more can catch up with you. I have not seen him in 3 yrs and haven't talked to him in 2. I am mad. At him. At myself. At everything.
I had to get up at 6 in the morning this whole week to get to work and work like a dog. I am helping a friend to manage somethings and every time I mess up teeny tiny bit, he just bites my head off. My 4 weeks long weight loss plateau has stretched into three months, even though I am working my butt off to get off of it. My car gets dirty one day after I get a car wash. But these things are just the crumbs. The bloody cake goes to my brother.
How could he do this to himself. How could he not think about his 6 yrs old daughter? He used to be active and was in great shape most of his life. He is in the Army for God sake. And few setbacks in life and he goes A-wall on everyone, on himself, on his health. I am not unreasonable. I know him. I know him better than anyone else does. I understand him. Even though we have been estranged, reasons for which are far too complex and personal to be disclosed on this blog. Oh what the hell my three readers already know the entire soap opera. But that's not the point. If you decide you want to live life on your terms and make your own decisions, then you have a duty, a responsibility to take care of yourself. You don't screw up with people in your family because they have been trying to help you and say I can take care of myself so back off and then go on to screw your own self. Grrrrrr. This makes me so mad. I know exactly how the bull feels in the bull fighting arena. I see red too.
I bet if anyone reads this, they will think i am such a heartless bitch and why cant i be a little more sympathetic. After all he is my only brother. But what can I say, 30 years of standing by someone's side and seeing them mess everything up one after another, and that too when they are smart and brilliant and capable of achieving anything in the world, can set you up with so much anger that no other emotion can force its way into your heart.
He has had some tough breaks as well, no doubt about it. Things that he wanted, things that meant so much to him, always ended up in a shitty mess. And even though Karma is a bitch, not everyone has it come and bite their asses like it has chewed my poor brother's behind. Well he is my true brother in that sense.
My brother of late is not the brother I love and feel sad about or wish all health and happiness and peace of heart and mind for. That brother of mine is smart, funny, intelligent, talented, sensitive and extremely caring. That is the brother I miss and that is the brother that wants me to hunt him down and beat the crap out of, stunt and all.
I will call him tonight. After all we came from the same place and despite the history full of disagreements, we are still family. May Allah bless your troubled soul.