After a long time, or so it seems, life has gotten into some form of a routine. It is not exciting but it is a welcome change. The two years that followed my graduation were so unpredictable and volatile, that they almost cost me the normal functioning of my brain and eyes, and gave me a close resemblance to a WWF wrestler. Fifteen pounds, eleven months at the same job and affording an auto loan later, I find myself eating better, sleeping better and thinking better. I spend my time working, training and sleeping.
Learning to take care of your own self is such a task. I never realised how much easier and rewarding it is to take care of others, at least for me. In comparison, eating my vitamins or sleeping 8 hours every night just does not cut it, at least for me. But I am learning.
I learn that if you stick in a routine long enough you do get rewarded.
I learn that breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
I learn that working out will treat insomnia.
I learn that healthy food does make you feel good about yourself. Much more than chocolates, since it is a long lasting feeling.
I learn that I too can enjoy routines. Papa will be so proud.
But there is one problem. I am worried when my life takes the next volatile turn, my routine will be the first thing that I abandon. No good!!! My new found affection is probably not deep enough or old enough to make it past the test of time. I just don't see myself eating carrots when I am stressed out. Veggies are just not cut out to be comfort food. Oh well!! Cross the bridge when you come to it. For now I will enjoy the stability, the peace and the quiet of my present life. Tomorrow is another day.
On a different note, my parents are planning to visit us in May and I couldn't be happier. I feel so much more peaceful when they are in the US with either me or Aapi. My 3 nephews who are of course the most adorable people in my life, thoroughly entertain Papa, who happens to make one cool grand father. In other words the boys are the bait we use to lure the grand parents across the 7 oceans.
The oldest who just turned 7 is like a information sponge and he can make play dough out of your brain in 30 mins flat with his question answer session. These days the topic of concentration is the Native Americans. The middle one who is the most adorable lil boy in the world and the most engaging, can make any human being smile. Then comes the baby, and what can one say about a eleven months old bundle of joy.
And so my parents are coming and we try not to take it personally that we are not really the people they come to see. We are not as cute and having been with them for more than three decades, our novelty is just worn off. And even though my trainer made me do spider crawls all over the gym yesterday, I just don't think it is a picture that would make my parents go all mush, at least not with warm affection.
And last piece of exciting news is that I am going to the Pakistan Day event here in Seattle. My simple ABCD friend informed me about it and wondered why we are having it now instead of in August. I told her that Pakistan Day is in fact in March and August 14th is the Independence day. She was like ohhhhhhh!!!! So yes I am going and I am excited because, I have not participated in anything patriotic since my graduation. The funny thing is that I have no idea what the event is all about. Element of surprise. I just hope it is not bunch of know it all ex-pat Pakistanis talking about how the problems of the unfortunate country can be solved. Most of them have not lived in or visited the country in ages and somehow feel that they have done their national duty by giving a speech once a year. Sadly, I am becoming one of them. Hopefully not for long.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Tis the Season...to freeze to death
So its cold yet again. It snowed yet again and yet again I am frozen to the very core of my bones. Before I came to the US I used to love winters but those were the winters of Islamabad. Where covered in a shawl you could sit endlessly under the sun eating oranges and only come inside to cuddle in front of a gas heater along with the rest of the family. It was so cozy and comfy and fun. Romantic even :)
But here, life is all about waiting for the summers. The sun doesn't comes out but twice a month, or so it seems. It rains and rains and then rains some more. And then it snows. I love the snow, it is so pretty, but what comes after snow is unbearable, bone breaking freeze. I hate that feeling. I wonder how people lived under such conditions before electricity and gas were discovered and all they had was wood and fire. No wonder they hardly ever reached the age of 40.
The year I came to the US, Northern California experienced an unusually cold and wet winter. I remember being cold, all the time throughout the first two semesters. I was the idiot sitting inside the class in a thick down jacket, gloves and scarf, still shivering and complaining about how cold it was. Those days, I had to wake up at 6:30 to catch the train to work everyday. It was torture. Most days I cried as I walked the 20 mins walk from the train station to work and 30 mins back, under unceasing rain, with cars splashing rain water on me. I felt like some desolate Dickens Character.
Summer came and I got a job On-Campus and I fell in love with California all over again. Since then my body has acclimatized to the weather here but I really don't like the winters anymore.
And after spending almost an year in Seattle, I really don't enjoy rain anymore either. I, like all my American hosts, love the summers and live for the days when it will be warm and sunny. When people will walk around the streets happy and cheerful. I get it now. We used to think the white people are insane for hating the rain and loving the sun so much specially since their skins wrinkle and burn under it. But I get it now.
Of course, last summer when I was visiting Miami and the place was hit by a tropical storm, I was the only one going crazy, happily jumping up and down under the warm torrential rain along the beach. People were running for cover and all I could think was about how much it reminded me of the monsoon rains of Karachi. People thought I am insane but I didn't care.
So I guess given the right circumstances I will enjoy all things nature :)
Meantime, please God let it be spring in Seattle, this cold is torturous.
But here, life is all about waiting for the summers. The sun doesn't comes out but twice a month, or so it seems. It rains and rains and then rains some more. And then it snows. I love the snow, it is so pretty, but what comes after snow is unbearable, bone breaking freeze. I hate that feeling. I wonder how people lived under such conditions before electricity and gas were discovered and all they had was wood and fire. No wonder they hardly ever reached the age of 40.
The year I came to the US, Northern California experienced an unusually cold and wet winter. I remember being cold, all the time throughout the first two semesters. I was the idiot sitting inside the class in a thick down jacket, gloves and scarf, still shivering and complaining about how cold it was. Those days, I had to wake up at 6:30 to catch the train to work everyday. It was torture. Most days I cried as I walked the 20 mins walk from the train station to work and 30 mins back, under unceasing rain, with cars splashing rain water on me. I felt like some desolate Dickens Character.
Summer came and I got a job On-Campus and I fell in love with California all over again. Since then my body has acclimatized to the weather here but I really don't like the winters anymore.
And after spending almost an year in Seattle, I really don't enjoy rain anymore either. I, like all my American hosts, love the summers and live for the days when it will be warm and sunny. When people will walk around the streets happy and cheerful. I get it now. We used to think the white people are insane for hating the rain and loving the sun so much specially since their skins wrinkle and burn under it. But I get it now.
Of course, last summer when I was visiting Miami and the place was hit by a tropical storm, I was the only one going crazy, happily jumping up and down under the warm torrential rain along the beach. People were running for cover and all I could think was about how much it reminded me of the monsoon rains of Karachi. People thought I am insane but I didn't care.
So I guess given the right circumstances I will enjoy all things nature :)
Meantime, please God let it be spring in Seattle, this cold is torturous.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
What Next??
So sad and so depressed. My world as I knew it is changing and it is changing for the worse. It is a sad sad day. And I have no words to describe what I feel and what I want to say and what I am thinking. This is how it feels. To fall out of a tall building. To come spiralling down to meet your demise. I am numb as is the rest of the population of Pakistan. I am numb and I turn my head the other way, in shame perhaps.
Srilanka is not a newbie when it comes to acts of terror as it has its own share of traumas to deal with. Srilankans though know the two adversaries of their war. There is no mistaking who is the enemy on either side. The agenda is known. The reasons are known. The war is old, known and accepted. There is no denial.
We as a nation are numb and confused. Who is attacking us? The Indians? Talibans? or the Americans?
We are in Denial. These people who attack us are not Pakistanis! These people have no connection to Pakistan! These are not Muslims! We are not at war! This is only NWFP's problem!
We don't know the agenda behind this craziness. What do they want to from us? Why would they do this? They would never attack the cricketers? If we just look the other way and close our eyes, this will go away.
We are not shocked, we are just numb. Heartless? Perhaps not. We just don't want to be responsible to fix this. We hope someone or something else will come and fix this.
Sri Lanka Cricket team did us a favour by visiting Pakistan. They understood what it feels like to be outcast as a terrorised state. They came and they paid for it. Why are we surprised? Didn't New Zealand's team get attacked a few years back?
Life as we knew it is gone...we are just too damn numb AND PROUD to accept it or maybe we are too selfish to accept it and do something about it. The Pink elephant in the room. As long as you don't see it you don't have to do anything about it.
Wake up Morons. We are a nation under attack, a nation at war. There is a divide in the nation. The fundamentalists Vs the liberals. They are a part of us. They maybe supported by other countries or organizations but they are not non-Pakistanis and they are not non-Muslims. They may have taken their faith too far and we may not agree with their approach towards religion but they justify all their actions in the light of their belief system. That in itself should alarm us enough to scare the living daylights out of us. They are here, in Karachi, in Lahore and in Islamabad. They have attacked any and every city, town, village. They live among us. We don't recognize them because they are part of us. They are here.
Sadly, our Government, our legal and judicial system, our police force, our bureaucracy, our Army and our people are not ready or willing to acknowledge this or deal with it. We are not prepared for the war and not prepared to take the responsibility.
Is this the beginning of the end? The country, the ideology, the people are all under threat of extinction, are we willing to stand by, watch and not do anything? Is there no hope? Are we cursed for this annihilation? I don't have any answers...I used to, but not anymore...
Srilanka is not a newbie when it comes to acts of terror as it has its own share of traumas to deal with. Srilankans though know the two adversaries of their war. There is no mistaking who is the enemy on either side. The agenda is known. The reasons are known. The war is old, known and accepted. There is no denial.
We as a nation are numb and confused. Who is attacking us? The Indians? Talibans? or the Americans?
We are in Denial. These people who attack us are not Pakistanis! These people have no connection to Pakistan! These are not Muslims! We are not at war! This is only NWFP's problem!
We don't know the agenda behind this craziness. What do they want to from us? Why would they do this? They would never attack the cricketers? If we just look the other way and close our eyes, this will go away.
We are not shocked, we are just numb. Heartless? Perhaps not. We just don't want to be responsible to fix this. We hope someone or something else will come and fix this.
Sri Lanka Cricket team did us a favour by visiting Pakistan. They understood what it feels like to be outcast as a terrorised state. They came and they paid for it. Why are we surprised? Didn't New Zealand's team get attacked a few years back?
Life as we knew it is gone...we are just too damn numb AND PROUD to accept it or maybe we are too selfish to accept it and do something about it. The Pink elephant in the room. As long as you don't see it you don't have to do anything about it.
Wake up Morons. We are a nation under attack, a nation at war. There is a divide in the nation. The fundamentalists Vs the liberals. They are a part of us. They maybe supported by other countries or organizations but they are not non-Pakistanis and they are not non-Muslims. They may have taken their faith too far and we may not agree with their approach towards religion but they justify all their actions in the light of their belief system. That in itself should alarm us enough to scare the living daylights out of us. They are here, in Karachi, in Lahore and in Islamabad. They have attacked any and every city, town, village. They live among us. We don't recognize them because they are part of us. They are here.
Sadly, our Government, our legal and judicial system, our police force, our bureaucracy, our Army and our people are not ready or willing to acknowledge this or deal with it. We are not prepared for the war and not prepared to take the responsibility.
Is this the beginning of the end? The country, the ideology, the people are all under threat of extinction, are we willing to stand by, watch and not do anything? Is there no hope? Are we cursed for this annihilation? I don't have any answers...I used to, but not anymore...
The weekend
Moved into the new place last weekend. I had help this time so that helped. I didn't pull my back and didn't sit crying on my apartment stairs and no neighbors had to take pity on me and load my heavy suitcases in the truck. I arranged so that I don't have a repeat of such an event.
By the time I moved out S.N. had gotten over the initial disappointment of my moving out of her condo. She was her true sweet Christian self. She even helped me get my stuff together and took the things I had separated for goodwill off my hands and made the trip herself. I was truly touched and felt good that I had moved out on such good terms.
The weekend went well as Guruji was visiting me :) He accompanied me to the gym and met with my trainer (yes yes I am trying to get in shape and eventually train for the marathon :))It was so weird. I had a flashback of all the times when my parents came to meet with my teachers. Of course those meetings never went as smoothly as this one did. Guruji started harassing my poor trainer with workout related inquiries which he politely answered. I am regularly annoyed by Guruji's obsession with his non-existent fat. He looks like a dried-up prune thanks to his daily regimen of 10-miles walk and a hike up mission peak (elevation of 2,517 feet). But he insists that he must reduce the fat..aaa right, the fat in your head :). Here I am trying to get my sorry ass to the gym day after day and trying to count every calorie I consume so I can reduce the serious fat on my body. And here comes the man who can pass for someone half his age harassing MY trainer. Back off mister!!! lol
Hey Guruji You know I love you and I am so proud of you for your military like discipline. I wish I had half your dedication. But for God sake go and have some Chimichangas and a dozen dunkin donuts and have mercy on those legs of yours.
Speaking of my trainer, I have a huge crush on him lol. Hey that helps with the motivation right?? lol. Well do you blame me. This is the man I see most regularly, he is super sweet and sincere and has blonde hairs and blue eyes. Did I mention he is really really sweet? Crush or no crush I am really focused on getting back in my groove and the trainer and my dried up friend both help me stay motivated and I am grateful to have them on my side :)
So I was talking about moving in the new place. As soon as I went home last night, I realised my room is smaller than I thought it was. The new place has no garage or storage. I think I was sleep walking when I picked this place. Nonetheless It is a nice apartment and I managed to fit everything in and make it presentable. I lay down to sleep last night and I realised the freeway is only a few yards away from my window. It sounded like I was sleeping next to the ocean. Oh well...I will get used to it. It is I-90 which is probably the least busy of all Seattle freeways and I don't go to sleep until midnight. So all in all no complaints. My roommate seems like a wonderful chilled out person, who is only home 4 days a week. So now I am at house number 23 :)
I will sign off now have to do some work...oh ya once in a while i work at work ;)
By the time I moved out S.N. had gotten over the initial disappointment of my moving out of her condo. She was her true sweet Christian self. She even helped me get my stuff together and took the things I had separated for goodwill off my hands and made the trip herself. I was truly touched and felt good that I had moved out on such good terms.
The weekend went well as Guruji was visiting me :) He accompanied me to the gym and met with my trainer (yes yes I am trying to get in shape and eventually train for the marathon :))It was so weird. I had a flashback of all the times when my parents came to meet with my teachers. Of course those meetings never went as smoothly as this one did. Guruji started harassing my poor trainer with workout related inquiries which he politely answered. I am regularly annoyed by Guruji's obsession with his non-existent fat. He looks like a dried-up prune thanks to his daily regimen of 10-miles walk and a hike up mission peak (elevation of 2,517 feet). But he insists that he must reduce the fat..aaa right, the fat in your head :). Here I am trying to get my sorry ass to the gym day after day and trying to count every calorie I consume so I can reduce the serious fat on my body. And here comes the man who can pass for someone half his age harassing MY trainer. Back off mister!!! lol
Hey Guruji You know I love you and I am so proud of you for your military like discipline. I wish I had half your dedication. But for God sake go and have some Chimichangas and a dozen dunkin donuts and have mercy on those legs of yours.
Speaking of my trainer, I have a huge crush on him lol. Hey that helps with the motivation right?? lol. Well do you blame me. This is the man I see most regularly, he is super sweet and sincere and has blonde hairs and blue eyes. Did I mention he is really really sweet? Crush or no crush I am really focused on getting back in my groove and the trainer and my dried up friend both help me stay motivated and I am grateful to have them on my side :)
So I was talking about moving in the new place. As soon as I went home last night, I realised my room is smaller than I thought it was. The new place has no garage or storage. I think I was sleep walking when I picked this place. Nonetheless It is a nice apartment and I managed to fit everything in and make it presentable. I lay down to sleep last night and I realised the freeway is only a few yards away from my window. It sounded like I was sleeping next to the ocean. Oh well...I will get used to it. It is I-90 which is probably the least busy of all Seattle freeways and I don't go to sleep until midnight. So all in all no complaints. My roommate seems like a wonderful chilled out person, who is only home 4 days a week. So now I am at house number 23 :)
I will sign off now have to do some work...oh ya once in a while i work at work ;)
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