Breakup story - The Ditched

People do weird things after a breakup. Some may think that the enormity of the post breakup reaction is directly proportional to the duration of the relationship. Perhaps, but some behaviors are common to all break ups. I may be wrong since I am no shrink but this is strictly based on my observation and experience ( yes I have had my own heart broken few times due to various kinds of love ranging from one sided crush to puppy love, forbidden love, love lasting 5 yrs and last but not the least love which i had no idea existed). Since I am currently in love (not mentioned above) and have completely recovered from my personal episodes of breakup drama ( or so it seems until I come face to face with some more emotional baggage that I have yet to discover), I deem myself qualified to throw some light on the sequence of events that usually follow a breakup. I hope that people currently going through breakups(so that they feel normal) or about to undergo one ( set your expectations rights and also expect the unexpected) can benefit from this post. The first few hours of the breakup are highly liberating and make you feel free and enlightened. This feeling gives u a false sense of security that you will be alright. This feeling is probably similar to the quiet relief you feel after a hurricane has passed and you think it is over, right before you step out of the house and realise what has really happened and witness the real damage. Usually the breakup follows a period of immense drama and sadness filled with arguments, accusations or total withdrawal from one or both parties. Hence, the relief at the end of it. But like most highs, this one is followed by an ultimate low and one gets engulfed by feelings of desolation, despair and immense sadness. This is when one would reach out for ice cream, songs of heartbreak and misfortune and of course the box that contains all the tokens of love that once was. You re-read all the cards and emails, go over the pictures, watch videos, all the while crying and making yourself believe you will never be as happy as you once were with this one person. Everything seems meaningless and hopeless as you travel to new depths of self-pity and misery. This continues for sometime (lasting anywhere between a day or a month) until one day the feelings of desolation are replaced by immense anger rooted in the sense of rejection or humiliation or both. This transition and self-awareness is usually incited by some news or communication with the heart breaker's world. The form and type of communication and news can be different but the underlying message is almost always the same. The heart breaker has already moved on, feels no remorse over what he/she did, wishes you would heal (this really happened) has someone new (this after swearing the reason for the breakup is not another person). In other words the message is the real stimulus for you to transition from a blithering fool to a wannabe assassin. Armed with the new found fury and sense of vengeance, you go about destroying, hiding, removing every last item that even remotely reminds you of the person. You curse the person's very existence and make secret plans( or with friends...oh ya right about now your friends come back into the pic - PS if you have no friends...God bless your soul!!!) to destroy your ex. Of course, some people actually go through with them but this is not entirely advisable. Not long after, you start displaying few or several out of character tendencies. These can range from attending/throwing parties, to speeding, obnoxious laughing and joking, un-drunken brawls(its true you will feel so angry all the time and will get ticked off at the slightest of things and I can personally vouch it applies to females as well - sigh i will leave this out for a later post), unlady-like behaviour ( for girls/gays) too much manliness (only for guys/some girls straight or otherwise), sudden display of anger or sadness. Loved ones (of course I mean parents) cringe, moan and lament the gradual regress of your soul as you loose {or gain :( } weight, sacrifice work and other duties while neglecting health and in some cases hygiene(not autobiographical i swear). This stage lasts much longer (much to my parents despair), than the first one but not as long as stage number three. I have yet to understand what transpires the onset of stage three but one day you wake up and just don't feel like leaving the bed and face the world. To be precise Stage three is a combination of stage 1 and 2. But along with despair and anger you also have to deal with feelings of self-doubt, some degree of self loathe while trying to keep your self-esteem up. During this time the breakup suddenly becomes very serious and you start wondering if you will ever be normal again. The sinking feeling in your stomach, the heavy heart, the lack of hope, energy or desire to do anything, will these feelings ever go away? You start going through the motions of normal life in hopes of becoming just that - normal. You laugh, cry, work, eat all the while feeling sad, lonely and entirely hopeless. It seems never-ending as you bounce between self-doubt, anger, sadness and light headiness for a very long time - or so it seems. Eventually given the time, you do come out of this, hopefully stronger, better and wiser. But life as you knew it will never be the same because you change so much during this drama. The pain has given birth to virulent cynicism that may become your lifelong friend(now this is definitely directly proportional to the duration and quality of the relationship and nature of its ultimate demise, definitely autobiographical). You are skeptical and slightly disillusioned. Normal is no longer normal. It is just as distorted as you are. But the good news - you live. And you survive in the best possible way, by rediscovering yourself and by fortifying your strengths, your beliefs and your faith. Its a struggle and ultimately you prevail. Oh and the upside the cynicism makes you very funny and you learn to laugh at yourself...Makes you a bigger person I think... Coming up Breakup story - The Perpetrator