It has been a while since i have visited this blogosphere and it was not because I didn't miss it or didn't think about writing only constantly. To be honest not writing for this long makes me feel sort of incomplete and even incompetent but the thoughts and struggles that I was going through were too overwhelming and complicated to be translated into words and posted on a public forum. This just like all other things in my life felt too laborious and a little too daunting to be dealt with so like all such things it was shelved until could no longer be ignored.
In a way lot has happened since i last posted while in others it has pretty much stayed the same. Interesting thing about life is just that isn't it? You have such few life altering events happen in ones life but their effects keep appearing over the entire lifetime and the process is generally so slow that you may actually feel stuck in one spot through it all and suddenly you wake up and look around you and everything is different. Not always a bad thing but the time u spend feeling stuck can actually make some people stir crazy and make them feel like they are losing their minds. I can safely say i am one such person and I am starting to get a little stir crazy. I guess I'm too specific in what I am wanting to change because to be honest there has been a lot of changes in the almost two years of my absence.
For starters i ran 3 half marathons in 2012 which put me on the path of losing almost 50 lbs in 2013. I was trying to run a full but a back problem put me out of commission. Hopefully that will be done in 2014.
I took up a full time job in LA, accepting to be an Angeleno and ending my life of nomadism. I still don't have a home of my own and still don't have that strong sense of belonging but LA still feels as close to home as possible.
2013 was super exciting as I finally added miles to my travel odometer. Summer saw me travel to Spain and Italy and see the many sights and wonders that I had been dreaming of seeing all my life. I flew solo and met some interesting people and made a couple of friends who will forever remain a strong force in where my life goes here onwards. Then made a trip to Canada and yet another trip to Italy to explore the Tuscan region. Currently I am traveling to close the year out in style in Athens, Greece and start it exploring the Neapolitan southern Italy. Not too shabby one would say. I am the most appreciative and grateful for this particular blessing.
So what exactly is driving me insane, one can ask. Well it is the rest of my life which is making me a little antsy. Of course in life you have to face and live with the consequences of the choices you make, whether good or bad. Basically you have to suck it up and lie in the bed you have made whether its comfortable tempura-pedic one or one with a broken spring sticking into your spine the whole time you rest or at least try to.
First of all is my work. Granted it's not that bad and paid well enough for me to train for and run the races and travel. But it's not what one can call a dream job. It's not what I can imagine myself doing for the rest of my life. It definitely has a low satisfaction level and makes me feel kind if lost to be honest. One can argue I am being a baby and that's just how life is so i better grow up and accept it for what it is, just a job. Maybe I'm expecting g too much from it but i just want to do something more fulfilling that impacts and makes a difference in people's lives. Call me crazy but i really can't go through life just making sure people has TV to watch during their free time. The problem is i just don't know what my real calling is and that makes me feel more lost and demotivated than anything else. Again one might say I'm just fooling myself and should accept my current fate as it is not really a concentration camp by any measure. Sighh see what I mean? I'm stuck.
The second aspect of the stucky-ness comes from my extended single status. Let me clarify I am not dying to be married or want to play house with the first fella who shows up. It's just that it makes me anxious that this extended status may turn in a permanent one. And even though I'm not willing to jump into something serious at this minute - reasons for which far too complex to get into here, I would still like to know that when I'm ready the right person will show up and my getting older and well weirder will not get in the way. I guess I'm looking for guarantee that I will not be punished for my bad choices for the rest of my life.
Anyway to close out this 2 year evaluation, life is good and has been as such consistently. I have great friends, my family is well and my health is better than ever. My anxieties are my own and have very little to do with what is my actual true life. I guess in a way my brain is making them a part of my life but it's normal to have those. Just have to accept them or fix them if possible.
I hope to get back to writing and returning back to this space may motivate me to do so. Let's see how long I can keep it up but since I'm traveling I will start by writing about the remaining 1 week of my trip. That hopefully will get me hooked again.
Free spirit is still alive :))
In a way lot has happened since i last posted while in others it has pretty much stayed the same. Interesting thing about life is just that isn't it? You have such few life altering events happen in ones life but their effects keep appearing over the entire lifetime and the process is generally so slow that you may actually feel stuck in one spot through it all and suddenly you wake up and look around you and everything is different. Not always a bad thing but the time u spend feeling stuck can actually make some people stir crazy and make them feel like they are losing their minds. I can safely say i am one such person and I am starting to get a little stir crazy. I guess I'm too specific in what I am wanting to change because to be honest there has been a lot of changes in the almost two years of my absence.
For starters i ran 3 half marathons in 2012 which put me on the path of losing almost 50 lbs in 2013. I was trying to run a full but a back problem put me out of commission. Hopefully that will be done in 2014.
I took up a full time job in LA, accepting to be an Angeleno and ending my life of nomadism. I still don't have a home of my own and still don't have that strong sense of belonging but LA still feels as close to home as possible.
2013 was super exciting as I finally added miles to my travel odometer. Summer saw me travel to Spain and Italy and see the many sights and wonders that I had been dreaming of seeing all my life. I flew solo and met some interesting people and made a couple of friends who will forever remain a strong force in where my life goes here onwards. Then made a trip to Canada and yet another trip to Italy to explore the Tuscan region. Currently I am traveling to close the year out in style in Athens, Greece and start it exploring the Neapolitan southern Italy. Not too shabby one would say. I am the most appreciative and grateful for this particular blessing.
So what exactly is driving me insane, one can ask. Well it is the rest of my life which is making me a little antsy. Of course in life you have to face and live with the consequences of the choices you make, whether good or bad. Basically you have to suck it up and lie in the bed you have made whether its comfortable tempura-pedic one or one with a broken spring sticking into your spine the whole time you rest or at least try to.
First of all is my work. Granted it's not that bad and paid well enough for me to train for and run the races and travel. But it's not what one can call a dream job. It's not what I can imagine myself doing for the rest of my life. It definitely has a low satisfaction level and makes me feel kind if lost to be honest. One can argue I am being a baby and that's just how life is so i better grow up and accept it for what it is, just a job. Maybe I'm expecting g too much from it but i just want to do something more fulfilling that impacts and makes a difference in people's lives. Call me crazy but i really can't go through life just making sure people has TV to watch during their free time. The problem is i just don't know what my real calling is and that makes me feel more lost and demotivated than anything else. Again one might say I'm just fooling myself and should accept my current fate as it is not really a concentration camp by any measure. Sighh see what I mean? I'm stuck.
The second aspect of the stucky-ness comes from my extended single status. Let me clarify I am not dying to be married or want to play house with the first fella who shows up. It's just that it makes me anxious that this extended status may turn in a permanent one. And even though I'm not willing to jump into something serious at this minute - reasons for which far too complex to get into here, I would still like to know that when I'm ready the right person will show up and my getting older and well weirder will not get in the way. I guess I'm looking for guarantee that I will not be punished for my bad choices for the rest of my life.
Anyway to close out this 2 year evaluation, life is good and has been as such consistently. I have great friends, my family is well and my health is better than ever. My anxieties are my own and have very little to do with what is my actual true life. I guess in a way my brain is making them a part of my life but it's normal to have those. Just have to accept them or fix them if possible.
I hope to get back to writing and returning back to this space may motivate me to do so. Let's see how long I can keep it up but since I'm traveling I will start by writing about the remaining 1 week of my trip. That hopefully will get me hooked again.
Free spirit is still alive :))
No comments:
Post a Comment