klutz? You talking to me???

We all have problems with our own selves. Over the years I too have had many issues with myself, some big some small. Some of these issues have been resolved while others are still being dealt with. And then there is this one problem that has not only outlived all others but it has also been growing with the passage of time, sort of becoming an epidemic. It is annoying and its effects numerous and damaging.

Those who know me, (yes that's all of my three readers) may have very well seen what repercussions this issue has had on me and my life, sometimes even their lives. I am so tired of it and am yet to discover the root cause of the problem. Perhaps genes...hmmm...I don't know. It is hard for me to think about it, but even harder to ignore it. Specially when in middle of the store this "problem" makes me unconsciously swat at a sky high pile of paper towels. Before I know it, some twenty cylinders of white paper are rolling away in all different directions leaving me paralyzed with horror and mortification. People stare, kids snicker, store employees curse and I just apologize, profusely.

Yes, my biggest issue with myself...why the hell am I so God damn clumsy and accident-prone??

I have no idea how things automatically get in my way, how toes find their way under my feet, how my arms get tangled up with objects (or people) that are seemingly far away. How come other people don't zip their hair between the zipper of the jacket every single time or trip over their own toes or burn themselves almost every time they come in contact with an iron or a hot pan. Life falls apart for me ever so often as containers of food fall out of my hand leaving a huge mess or my fingers poke myself in the eye trying to tie my hair in a pony tail. The klutz syndrome gets worse as soon as I enter the kitchen or handle any food related item. I have lost count of the carpets and sofas I have spilled coffee and tea on, while gesturing with my hands (of course at the time I was still holding the cup).

I have so many stories, so many embarrassing moments; they can actually make a slapstick sitcom based on them. It will actually be at par with "Some Mothers Do Have Em"(ironically, Papa has always paralleled me to this guy all my life). After all how many people have tried to make a smoothie without covering the blender or placed a hand on the iron directly to see if it is hot enough or poured steaming hot oil from a pan into a cup, while holding the cup ( yes I had blisters for days). Its like every now and then a part of my brain goes off in sleep mode for no rhyme or reason. I'm otherwise seemingly coordinated and smart. I can drive well, talk well, write well even dance well. But put me in a kitchen or a grocery store...hello total retard!!!

I guess it was cute, funny and adorable when I was 20 and weighed 30 lbs less. At 32 its plain embarrassing! I am a walking time bomb that can blow any minute and I have no clue when or how. And of course the disease is progressing with age - Red Alert!!

Hell I want to be a part time carpenter one day since I love to fix and build things but my friends had a field day with this notion - images of houses falling down while I am glued to a dry wall were described in great details. Sighhh!!! I have become the butt of jokes and entertainment for those around me. I at times take offense and try to deny it but what can I do when my actions speak so much more louder than my words.